42 Days.

I last wrote a post 42 days ago, on the night of my dad’s birthday in Bandung. I wish I can turn back time.

Life has been…hectic. Frantic. Exhausting.
In short, crazily insane.

An observation I made of myself is that I tend to put other people above myself. I’m a people-pleaser; I’d prefer being called altruistic but I don’t think I deserve that. I say yes when I actually mean no, I agree when I actually disagree, I choose to do things I hate even when it means not doing things I actually care about.

And I’m tired of putting myself second.

Life has its share of ups and downs and sometimes all you need to do is just enjoy the ride, but I’ve tried that and it simply doesn’t work. Sometimes nothing seems to work. Sometimes you feel like everyone is against you for whatever reason. Sometimes you feel as if everything you’ve done is a mistake. It’s easier to end it all here and now but I’m trying not to walk away from my problems. I’m still thankful for the little things in life that make it worthwhile (however cheesy it sounds).

So here I am. Doing the best I can to stay afloat and trying not to lose myself in the process.

No one said it’s easy but so far I haven’t drowned.

Suck It Up.

I got myself into this mess and I’m gonna take myself out.

KANKER, SERANGAN JANTUNG, IMPOTENSI DAN GANGGUAN KEHAMILAN DAN JANIN.

This is shallow and not health conscious, but smokers are cool.

I guess they just look sophisticated and independent and gratifyingly indulgent and knowing of what they want in life. Having said that, no, I won’t smoke in the foreseeable future. At least I don’t think I will. Hmm.

I Thought I’m Not But Apparently I Am.

I was pretty sure that I didn’t jump right in for the glamour only, but I guess, glamour did influence my decision in one way or another.
Problem is, there’s a lot more to it than glamour. Like the worsening emailophobia, the constant paranoia of a guerrilla terror group, the absence of relaxing holidays.
But hey I ain’t complaining. I’m coping. I guess. I mean, I signed up for it. There’s no way out, right? What I can do is to make the best out of it, and do the best I can, in the next 525,600 minutes. And hopefully by then everything would be alright.

Worth & Acceptance.

It was simple, it was short. But the effect?

Tremendous.

You may not know it, but I’m immensely grateful and profoundly affected. Thank you so much. All of this was worth it after all. (: